In adulthood, as people grow up and go away, friendships are the relationships most likely to take a hit.
Their friendships help them do that. The world may never know.
Ilfelong young adulthood, people are usually a little kifelong secure in themselves, more likely to seek out friends who share their values on the important things, and let the little things be. To go along with their newly sophisticated approach to friendship, young adults also have time to devote to their friends. According to the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships, many young adults spend 10 to 25 hours a week with friends, and the American Time Use Survey found that people aged 20 to 24 spent the most time per day socializing on average of any age group.
Friendship networks are naturally denser, too, in youth, when most of the people you meet go to your school or live in your town.
As people move for school, work, and family, networks spread out. Moving out of town for college gives some people testing first taste of this distancing.
In a longitudinal study that followed pairs of best friends over 19 years, a team led by Andrew Ledbetter, an associate communications-studies professor at Texas Christian University, found that participants had moved an average of 5. It makes me sad.
Some are independent, make friends wherever they go, and may have more friendly acquaintances than deep friendships. Others are discerning, meaning they have a few best friends they stay close with over the years, but the deep investment means that the loss of one of those friends would be devastating. The most flexible are the acquisitive—people who stay in touch with old friends, but continue to make new ones as they move through the world. The tasks that take up our time taper in old age.
Once textung retire and their kids have grown up, there seems to be more time for the shared-living kind of friendship again.
And it seems more urgent to spend time with them—according to socio-emotional selectivity theory, toward the end of life, people begin prioritizing experiences that will make them happiest in the moment, including spending time with close friends and family. And some people do manage to stay friends for life, or at least for a sizable chunk of life.
But what predicts who will last through the maelstrom of middle age and be there for the silver age of friendship? Whether people hold onto their old friends or grow apart seems to come down to dedication and communication. Hanging out with a set of lifelong best friends can be annoying, because the years of inside jokes and references often make their communication unintelligible to outsiders.
But this sort of shared language is part of what makes friendships last. The game was similar to Taboo, in that one partner gave clues about texging word without actually saying it, while the other guessed. Of course, people can communicate with friends in more ways than ever, and media multiplexity theory suggests that the more platforms through which friends communicate—texting and ing, sending each other funny Snapchats and links on Facebook, and seeing each other in fist stronger their friendship is.
The first is just keeping a relationship alive at all, just to keep it in existence. They keep it breathing, but mechanically. Next is keeping a relationship at a stable level of closeness. And it can also keep relationships on life support textig would and maybe should otherwise have died out.
Tommy would be a memory to me. Like, I seriously have not seen Tommy in 35 years. Yay for him! But in the current era of mediated relationships, those relationships never have to time out. These friendships fall into three : active, dormant, and commemorative.
A commemorative friend is not someone you expect to hear from, or see, maybe ever again. But they were important to you at an earlier time in your life, and you think of them fondly for that reason, and still consider them a friend. Facebook makes things weird by keeping these friends continually in your peripheral vision. Because your camp self is not your school self, and it dilutes the magic of the memory a firrst to try froends attempt a pale imitation of what you had.
The same goes for friends you see only online. It becomes a relationship based on storytelling rather than shared living—not bad, just not the same. If you think of all the things we have to do—we have to work, we have to take care of our kids, or our parents—friends choose to do things for each other, so we can put them off. Fifst fall through the cracks. After young adulthood, he says, the reasons that friends liffelong being friends are usually circumstantial—due to things outside of the relationship itself.
So we stop expecting as much, which to me is kind of a sad thing, that we walk away from that. But the things that make friendship fragile also make it flexible. It feels like the blink of an eye. Related Video.